Starting all over - Deja Vu

You know....It's kind of funny. Not like the "Haha" funny but more like an unexpected, ironic funny.

I finally had my herd just the way I wanted it. Perfect to my liking, in my opinion. When everything suddenly seems to go wrong. First we loose George. That was just totally unexpected...I didn't see it coming. One day he was fine, the next morning he was dying.

For those of you who have never lost an animal, or one you've grown attached to, it's heartbreaking. Especially watching George. My sweet, stubborn, pain in the rear George. We tried everything we could. He wasn't bloated...He had no reason to go down. Up to date on wormings, Bo-Se, CD/T, everything. I can't even put it into words how much it killed me to see him just laying there. Leaving me. And once a goat decides to die, you can never change their minds. We have a Vet on their way out...A futile effort in the end. That one killed me, that loss. George was my boy and no one has no idea how much it HURTS. My animals are part of my life, an irreplaceable part of my heart...Leaving another place blank when they left. A place that their memory can only occupy.

Might as well hit me well I'm down.

Mordecai bloated. Vet came out, fixed him up and he was doing FABULOUS for about...6 days when I could instantly tell he wasn't himself. Got him up to our vet, who treated him for pneumonia immediately. They called that night saying he was doing great and we would be able to pick him up the next morning. I went to bed with a light heart and in a wonderful mood. My boy would be okay! Then again strikes deja vu. The Vet calls in the morning saying he was down and wouldn't get up. They gave him IVs, the whole nine yards I am told but in the end, once more, the effort was futile. The Vets wanted an autopsy done, which, of course, we went ahead with. Sure enough...pneumonia of the lung.

That loss hurt just as much.

Why, I ask myself everyday, why do I have to suffer? I take care of my animals health wise and I love them. There are PLENTY of people in this world that abuse their animals or don't feed them. Just this year 30 horses were seized from a woman that didn't take care of them and a good handful of dogs seized from a small puppy mill. The problem? Why am I the one to loose my animals? I give them everything they need plus some. They could have no better home. Whereas there are plenty of people out the who do not take care of their animals and they never loose an animal. How is that fair? I'd never wish for an animal to die. Never, but why am I the one to suffer? I just don't get it.

Anyway, it feels like I am starting all over now. Starting with getting a new buck and new does this weekend, and I will be bringing in a new brown buck and a new caramel buck the near future and then I will be done. Given no more unexpected deaths.

Sorry, not in the best of moods and felt like I had to explain what happened to my much loved boys. It just kills me every time I think about them. And I feel so guilty. I am lucky to have their offspring and genetics alive in my herd. Rest in piece my boys...